Spoken Word Poem resulting from Let the Dice Choose poetry prompt: A Feeling That’s Hard to Describe.

I’ve wanted to teach since I was 4 years old
And I am all set to graduate in 2022
But I no longer see a future classroom,
I can’t even imagine it
Because I don’t think…
Because I don’t believe I’ll get there.

It’s like
A timeline of your life,
Abruptly stopping at 2020.
Not due to any specific event,
But just no more space on the page.

And you know,
You know all you need to do is
Grab another page and keep writing
But… *Shrug*

At my grandmother’s funeral
My cousin made a poor timing joke
involving them and I dying.
I will never forget the look on my mom’s face
As she contemplated that thought
Or the terrified panic in her voice as she rebuked them.

Every time I feel like I am drowning
I see that face and hear her voice
And I could never,
Could never be the cause of that.

So I keep living,
Feeling utterly lost
Like I’m walking into a dark abyss
I don’t know what I’ll find
What will get written
On the next page in my timeline

But I have to keep going,
For her sake, if not mine.